good-bye baltimore

open what?

2010-11-18T20:59:00.000-05:00

in counseling, we have discussed how life often offers you similar experiences over and over again. which, either reinforces a pattern or offers you a chance to change things up a bit. . . see how they turn out.

a brand-new married male co-worker said to me last week, within a few minutes of each other,

"You are like chocolate ice-cream, i can't sit next to you without wanting you."

"Let's go on a date tomorrow night."

"My wife and I have an open marriage. We have read books about it."

to which i froze. 'what did he say? he couldn't possibly mean what he just said.' goes my mind around and around and around.

I process it for 5 days, with family and friends.

to my supervisor on Tuesday, I shared the above, and he said, "I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, I'll talk to him . . . . man to man---suss it out." which doesn't happen.

to a female supervisor yesterday, who replied, "I'm sure he meant open like he explained. . . Open communication."

To him directly, i said, "You shouldn't have said that to me. It made me uncomfortable and your intention and meaning was not clear."

He replied, "Would it have been better if I had said, 'my wife and I have an open marriage and I don't want to fuck you.'?"

To which I replied, "I guess so. It would have been clearer."

Tonight, I went to supervisor #1 again and said, "I have been uncomfortable and have felt unsafe at work. I have had to deal with this alone. No one here has supported me. You should know that."

He said, "We'll fire him tomorrow."

and I'm not sure that this is the right decision. I'm not exactly sure what I was looking for. It feels a bit extreme. . . he didn't grab my ass, kiss my face, or touch my breast. and yet, what he did was wrong. . . and i'm not sure that i can clearly explain it. years ago, i had a relationship that started off similarly and ended with him stalking me for years. and i thought that i could handle it alone, and that it was just something that happened to me. but, at 33, you have to admit, perhaps i am not a good enough boundary setter in the early stages of an unfamiliar relationship.

I wish, last week, when he first said those things that i had looked him in the eye and told him to 'leave me alone.' but, i am always wanting to be kind to the "other". gentle with them, aware of their humanity and emotional fragility.

maybe this strong, forceful firing of someone who "unintentionally makes a verbal blunder" isn't good for him. . . and maybe I shouldn't be so nice to his face and then go to supervisors and say that he made me scared. and maybe i am really screwed up too . . . but if his 'screwed-upedness" is allowed to compare me to chocolate ice cream, in a professional environment, then mine can have his ass fired. . . because, maybe, his being fired is good for me at this point. and maybe that is selfish. . . but healthy.

NICU

2010-10-16T14:20:00.000-04:00

fridays are tough. always. you hit the end of the week, and all of everything that you tried to push-off all week long seems to start crashing down around you at about 3:30pm . . .

i left work as the sky was turning that beautiful dusky grey blue-black color. i needed to stop at a patients' house to drop something off and then i was going home. to rest.

i am home, on the phone and someone is trying to call in. . . and it is someone from work. i am told: a woman, who is young, and speaks no english and who had a premature baby earlier this week is home in pain with a fever. she won't go to the hospital because she doesn't speak any english. . . is there anything that i can do?

i say, "no, there is nothing that i can do. it is dark and i have already worked more than 40 hours this week. i am tired. i haven't eaten dinner. i'm sorry. she'll go if she needs to." and i sat down to eat.

about 4 bites in, all the memories of all the moms in the NICU that i worked came flooding back. women who spoke english and felt helpless and abandoned when their baby was taken from them and placed in an incubated, isolated place. i can't imagine adding the language barrier.

i call work. i say that i will take her to the hospital. it's dangerous. i don't speak her language. i am there in a 'middle capacity'. . . as a support but with the knowledge and license to act. she looks terrible when i pick her and her partner up.

we get to the hospital and her pain just increases and increases as the minutes tick by. and as i watch her, i am not convinced that the source of her pain is her uterus. . . she has pain in her uterus. . . but i think her heart is broken.

oh the kind, demeaning doctors that keep coming in, acting as if they know things when they are just mostly guessing and not really listening. at what point in their education were all of these residents instructed to not listen? . . . i am thankful for my medical experiences. . . i have learned the lingo and a way to semi-efficiently navigate the system (regarding maternal-child health).

once her pain is under control. . . i start to talk about her baby. i ask if she has pictures. no. has she spoken to anyone today about how her baby is doing. no. there is no way to do this with the language barrier. has the baby seen his dad today? no. i start to emphasize the importance of their presence. . . the need for their baby to hear their voices, to smell them, to feel their hands. and her eyes light up and she says, 'yes, you think that too.' do want the baby's dad to go and see the baby? 'yes', she says.

and we go up. . . up to a place so familiar to me. the darkness, the late-night hush, the vigilance of the nurses, the control, the beeping of the monitors, the respirators, the size of human body less than your hand . . . and a dad weeping. they never do it in front of their partners. in all the time i worked in the NICU, when a mom and dad stood there together, she cried and he didn't. but, frequently, when you stood next to a dad . . . alone and quiet, no partner near. . . the tears flow. and it is so painful to experience that i am glad they don't do it in front of their wounded partner.

somehow, this woman went home from a major surgery resulting in a very young, sick baby, with the impression that she couldn't help. the most important person in her whole life was just removed from her without a plan in place for how to stay connected.

there has to be a better way than this.

mexican pizza

2010-10-10T15:44:00.000-04:00

it is a sunday afternoon. . . gorgeous weather. i refuse to go anywhere. i am sitting outside, an afternoon glass of red wine, the sun dimpling through the vegetation. . . pretending that i am in france.

it has felt like a long week. a long month really. my heart, my head, and my body are all exhausted. it is a good day to stop and just sit. . . very still.

i live in a city that i love. a city that holds me when i am un-well and invites me into health. a city that matches my moods, that lets me wander around in skirts and sweatpants equally, never feeling like i need to be someone else.

on friday evening, after a long week at work and feeling exhausted, i (somewhat irritably) needed to run to the store to pick-up some things so that i could bake muffins for an event on saturday. i love cooking, when i want to cook. i hate cooking when someone asks/tells me i need to "bring" something along.

i come home and change into normal clothes and run out to grab groceries at the food co-op. as i am driving, i am trying to think about food. it is this never-ending thought process when you enjoy eating. i wasn't very hungry, but i needed to eat something and i didn't want junk food and i didn't want to cook and i didn't want to clean anything up. i ran through a list of take-out places, none of which sounded appealing.

i grab my eggs at the co-op and as i am checking out, the cashier has this interesting looking thing next to the register. . .

"what is that? it looks delicious."

"it's mexican pizza and they already closed the food bar and there is lots left over. . . let me grab you a piece and you can have it for free, we can't sell it now."

and she stopped mid-ringing me up and ran into the back and came out with a piece of carroty-looking pizza and handed it to me on a real plate. . . it was delicious. . .

i'm sure that she will never know how much it meant to me that on a cold, exhausted friday she extended a gift with no expectation of anything in return. this stranger in this city took care of me in such a loving way. i'm really glad i live here.

The Break-Up

2010-09-07T20:21:00.000-04:00

5 years. We met in February of 2005. He was and is the funniest, most thoughtful, creative, and beautiful man I have ever met. August of 2005, we break-up, he isn't ready for long-term commitment. Back together in June of 2006. He moved to my city that August. I was ready for marriage. He wanted to go slow. We travel together in the summer of 2007 for 2 months. After it is over, I love him more than ever; he thinks that next year, he might need to be alone. We break-up in June of 2008 and I move to a new city. . . hoping to heal and to give him space. He visits on New Year's eve 2008, and it starts again. This time, long-distance. . . just to see how it goes. I think it goes well. In May 2010, he needs "space" to decide if we are going to get married or not. He comes to my job in June. . . and I decide that this is it . . . we are going to get married. We love each other and it has been a long-time. He says he needs until August to make up his mind. He decides that he isn't ready. He can't do it. Marriage requires a lot of confidence. Confidence he doesn't have.

And I am here. Alone. My best friend- gone. My every-day person- gone. The guy who stood in my court and rooted for me- gone. The person to buy a house with- gone. The man I wanted to have children with - gone. The person who can make me laugh when I am crying -gone. I feel as if I have lost so much in losing him.

Everyone is full of platitudes. "You don't want someone who doesn't want you." "It would never work out if he wasn't invested all of the way." "He doesn't deserve you. You deserve better." "You are better off without him."

But, I am not. I am sad and lonesome without him . . . immobilized by grief and too aware of how good things in life are transient . . . it is as if a limb has been amputated. No prosthetic will ever quite replace it. There are some things in life that you can't undo.

My sister came to visit this past weekend. To fill the hours, to spend time with me. And I am so thankful that she did. We went to a used bookstore on Sunday and she gave me the tools to survive the fall.

I hope that I make it.

one bird on a wire

2010-05-25T20:44:00.000-04:00

i am not sure if you are able to see this or not. . . but, there is one bird sitting alone on a wire outside

my window. . .

and this is how i feel lately. . .

one,little bird,

with the whole sky in front of her, waiting. . . .

waiting for another bird to land next to her . . .

but it never does.

i watch this bird for a good half-hour.

she flies away alone.

i hope that this is not significant.

i watch other birds fly by her. . . and they never land.

she sits and watches, then cleans herself, then watches.

you can't force another bird to land.

i expected something different

out of life. i expected this: .

but you can't get there on your own.

sunday sewing

2010-05-16T20:49:00.000-04:00

i have been wanting to try making pants for awhile. . . and decided that i would try this morning. it was just me and the amy butler, 'In Stitches' book. . . which, i had resisted buying for about 3 weeks now, feeling that i could figure out the pants on my own. but, after rifling through the pattern catalogues and trying to read about it on-line, decided, it was just better to pay amy butler her money and use her pattern.

this is not the best photo . . . but it was the best that i could do. . .

the fabric was a gift from a friend, who sent it to me from michigan. . .

Cocktails and Throw-Pillows

2010-05-13T20:24:00.000-04:00

i realized the other day that i am 33 and i have NEVER, NEVER owned a "throw-pillow". it may seem a little strange. . . but, it sort of feels like one of those not frequently mentioned, 'rites of passage' one should go through. are you really an adult, if you have never owned a throw-pillow?

i didn't contemplate it long. i saw a pattern on http://www.soulemama.com/ and decided to replicate it. My sister, emily, was visiting, and we went to my favorite pittsburgh fabric store and . . . what candy stores are for some people, fabric stores are for me . . . the textures, the colors, the patterns. . . i can easily loose 3 hours to a good fabric store. i only hope to be able to use the fabrics well.

i am learning that if i see a good fabric, and have no vision for it, it is still o.k. to buy it, because if i glance at it long enough in my sewing room. . . something always emerges.

this photo is from awhile back. . . i just got my camera to momentarily function again. If you are in the market, don't buy PENTAX.

i had been inspired by "Mad Men" and the 1950's cocktails. . . so, i started trying different ones. . . Dirty Martini's, Manhattans, Cosmos. . . it probably has not aided my desire for a little weight loss. . . but, it has been fun to experience.

solutions for mid-winter blues

2010-03-01T19:28:00.000-05:00

1. Buy yourself a cute, little, technologically saavy phone.

2. Try some ridiculously expensive beer from Belgium

3. Use a humidifier all day and all night long.

4. Start frothing your coffee in the morning.

5. Listen to the new Brandi Carlisle album.

6. Watch Inspector Lynley on PBS's "Mystery".

7. Imagine how terrible life would be if you had to train as an
Olympian.

8. Find someone who loves you and make them play bored games with you.
(this is my new favorite)

9. Knit or sew something really warm.

10. Curl up with a book you can't put down. . .

11. Remember, spring is just around the next bend. :)

My best quilt yet

2010-03-01T19:10:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't blogged in forever. . . mostly, because my camera broke. . . and i like images much better than words. but, last weekend, i got a new phone and in it is a camera. . . so there is no stopping me now.

I am so relieved that February is over. This is a quilt I have been working on slowly, since the summer. It really is only partially done, I still need to fill, back, and quilt it, but I think the colors are lovely for gloomy grey days. So, I am leaving it lying around my house, to make it a bit brighter.

I hope you enjoy it as well.

sewing

2009-08-30T12:23:00.000-04:00

so, my older sister gave me inspiring ideas for a baby that is being born soon to a dear friend. i loved the way the onesies turned out. . . particularly after i had gone shopping and seen what kind of clothes are out there for a baby. :(

so, i thought i would share what i made. the blanket is just a throw. . . and she got a baby sling too. i hope it works. :)

the harvest is in

2009-08-30T12:20:00.000-04:00

stimulatin' the economy

2009-08-05T19:10:00.001-04:00

so, i guess i am a patriot after all . . . i have hemmed and hawed my way through the car-buying process. "Is it smart? Is it foolish? Is this the best moment? Will another time be better? Is this the right deal? Used? New? . . . maybe, i shouldn't buy any car. . . " thus, the cognitive circle continued. 2 years ago, i thought i should purchase a car. . . but, i didn't want to in baltimore. . . (i thought it was likely to be ruined. . . )

so, i waited. and then, on friday, the moment came. . .

i went to carlisle with the greatest of negotiators and drove home with her. . . the new car. she is so clean inside that i NOTICE leaf-bits(and pick them out). she has speakers that work and all-wheel drive. . . and AIR-BAGS. . . and that new-car smell. (probably toxic but wonderful anyway)

I do have a moment of slight-panic once/day . . ."can i really afford this?" "was this wise, when so many people are losing their jobs?" "what if you lose your job?" "what if you can never travel or eat-out again because of this vehicle?"

and then i think. . . "what if you were in an accident on the turnpike in your old car. . . you would never eat-out again or travel either, because you would be dead . . . at least this way, you have a CHANCE."

and thus, the pessimist in me wins and brings consolation.

it's a little scary. . . but i can't stop smiling every time i drive her this week.

this morning, i waved at a co-worker way-too-enthusiastically-to-be-normal when driving by.

i hope you all get a chance to ride in her. :)

summer in the city

2009-08-05T18:59:00.000-04:00

so, it has been a good summer here. months ago, a strong looking "weed" appeared in the front of the house and we determined not to yank it out. it grew bigger and bigger. . . people hypothesized, "is it a tree?" . . . and then, just a week ago, it revealed itself. . . not a tree, but an amazing sunflower.

and while this may look meager. . . it is only the beginning. i have had more cucumber salads in the last month, than is probably advisable. the tomato is an anna russian from my dad. . . sweet and delicious. i have since made tomato salads and salsas using them . . .they are coming in full force already (sorry to those of you in blight territory) . . . and the carrots are amazing. . .tender and sweet. I would make changes next year. . .not so many tomato plants. . . maybe not so many cucumber plants to choke out the beans. but the cilantro will stay. and the arugula. . . it is like never-ending peppery pleasure. :)

strawberry picking. . .

2009-06-14T17:15:00.001-04:00

so, around this time of year, i get excited about strawberry picking. . .about the jam potential. i tried to talk any number of different people into going (any weekend in june) . . . my recollections of berry picking in the pittsburgh area are fantastic. but, this year, the berries were small and mostly pinkish with lots of white and no give when you tugged on the stem. THE BERRIES WERE NOT RIPE. now, this is annoying when the 'pick your own' farm websites declare, "This is the BEST weekend for strawberry picking", and then you drive an hour and there is nothing there. i mean, the internet gets updated minutely. . . can't we be accurate about which time is actually the best for berry picking. why lie to me, the consumer???

i feel a little guilty about having such hard "farmer feelings", knowing that 2 of my sisters have lived and breathed this difficult way of life for years now. . . but still???? i would like to make jam. . .but, due to the berry shortage, i am going to try and make a pie instead. :)

the good news is: my private garden is PRODUCING. :)

i have lettuce and cilantro and i ate 2 snap peas off of the vine yesterday. and the tomato plant that my dad gave me thinks that it is august already. . . the plant is huge. :) we already have yellow blossoms!

today, i read the new york times in a sunshine spot out front and went grocery shopping and visited the "Three Rivers Arts Festival" and have done some laundry and cooking. it's been a good day.

here is my side-kick (frequently, a little on the mischievous side of things) . . .

Visits

2009-06-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

so, i have been terribly negligent about writing. lots has been going on. . .

my mom and dad came to visit. we wandered around pittsburgh, visited some new places and ate good food. it was really restful. then emily came to visit . . . and we wandered through a neighborhood yard sale and purchased this sun catcher. . . which i loved. and then i went home for a weekend. it makes me thankful for my family. they have taken care of me through many transitions and life changes.

home-made

2009-05-13T20:51:00.000-04:00

i have been working on this baby quilt for awhile and i love it. . . . i just made each individual square. . . no pattern was used for the quilt, just block by block invented. . . . and i am really pleased with the result. i am quilting it together now.

also, i have been listening to "This American Life" while I sew and really enjoyed this show, http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1294 , particularly Act 3.

jumpin' the gun

2009-05-13T20:33:00.000-04:00

so my plants started to look, "not so good". little yellow leaves and deep purple stems. maybe some of us just aren't plant people. i took care of them and watered them and brushed them with my hands each day, like dad told me to. . . and i scoured pittsburgh and eventually found the fish emulsion . . . and spritzed them with it.

but, this weekend, worried that they would die, i planted them in the new garden. now, in retrospect, the logic behind this is slim. . . the nurse in me would never take a person who was looking ill and plunge them into a new environment and hope for healing. . . it's counterintuitive. but, with plants, i thought, maybe the REAL sun and soil and breeze and (chilly nights and potential frost hazards and a wee hail storm that occurred on Monday evening) might be just what my heirloom tomato plants needed.

I mean how hard can this be???? but today, when i got home from work, there was a Robin, perched very close to my basil . . . and i thought "uh oh, this is the end."

(i don't know how to turn the photos around on here. . . )

growth

2009-05-13T20:26:00.001-04:00

hauling dirt

2009-04-19T10:08:00.000-04:00

so every muscle in my body aches. we got our lead-free dirt yesterday. . . and the hauling began. bucket by bucket up the stairs. my hands ache, my back aches, my hamstrings ache. last night, every time i moved in bed, i woke myself up. thus, am blogging with a good, strong cup of coffee this morning.

this is at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day. . . for all of the work, it doesn't really look like that much dirt is missing.

steph, kevin, ethan, and i hauled and dug and hauled and dug all afternoon. unfortunately, i am not so good at remembering my camera while we are in the midst of it. . . so, that you could all have action shots.

and these stairs are nice because they set the house up and away from the street . . . but, i am making a mental note prior to purchasing my own home. . . while lovely they make landscaping a lot of work. no wonder so many of my neighbors have done nothing to the front of their home. There is no truck that will bring the brick for the wall up the stairs. . . or the dirt for the garden.

both the raised bed garden and the retaining wall were part of yesterday's work. the end result will be beautiful, once there are some tomatoes growing in there.

seedlings

2009-04-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

i have been meaning to upload some photos. . . but have been a bit lazy about it. this is the beginning of the garden. 4 types of tomatoes: black prince, boxcar willie, san marzano, and anna russian. a chocolate bell pepper variety. a hungarian hot pepper. snap peas. regular peas. basil, oregano, rosemary, lavendar. carrots and some mesclun.

it began on my windowsill a couple of weeks ago. . . and mostly has been growing great. i believe transplanting a few of my plants into larger containers may be in order a little later on today.

i am starting to have doubts that it is enough for the space that we have. . . yesterday, i went on a quest for arugula (which i love and have not been able to find . . . ) i stopped at a gardening store and asked about seeds. . . they said they don't 'sell seeds' but that the nearest k-mart has a great variety. i begrungingly inquired as to where that may be. and, as i was driving over to k-mart, muttering to myself about how disgusting it is that garden stores don't have seeds, but k-mart does. . . i realized that k-mart always is the sure place to fine pickling supplies. and, that as large and corporate as it can be. . . it is a store for the working people. . . thus having seeds. and surprisingly with arugula and leeks and fennel. . . and i just couldn't stop myself from delving into round 2 of the seedlings.

we'll see whether or not i can really grow anything from seeds. but along those lines farm sisters. . . i can't find fish emulsion ANYWHERE. not garden stores, hardware stores, k-mart with seeds. . . any recommendations????

i don't want to grow up

2009-04-06T20:58:00.000-04:00

it is a monday evening . . . but, as i was leaving work tonight, i said to two co-workers, "have a great weekend." which caused them and me to pause. . .

work has felt like this lately. a monday feels like a friday. a tuesday feels like it should never have arrived, and so on.

last week, amongst my co-workers, there were 2 miscarriages and one suicide attempt. preceded the week before by two people out on disability for a few months and a "missing husband". i don't know if it is the economy or the weather or the moon . . . but it is feeling like too much.

and, it is time that i grow up and make some decisions about things like, BUYING A CAR. but, it is confusing. . . and there is no one person that will walk you through these things. i don't understand loans and bargaining and down-payments, and i'm not sure that i want to. i am not financial saavy, and it is a piece of me i am willing to let go. just like some people don't like art museums, i don't like figuring out future investments.

and there is nothing really wrong with my car. . . it just passed inspection again. but, it is on the 'fritz'. . . i can feel it. (although, i have been feeling that way for years. . .) it seems like the right time to invest. so, i just applied for a loan. . .because i was informed that this is the smartest way to walk into a dealership, with the money in hand. but it scares me. . . and apparently i only have 45 days to use the money. . . so, i better hope that a really great car at an unbelievable price appears soon. . . or else my credit rating turns sour. whatever. who even knows what that means anymore?

French-Onion Soup

2009-03-29T22:27:00.000-04:00

i have been on a French-Onion soup kick ever since i moved to Pittsburgh. i haven't really been able to understand it. . . i think in my whole life i have ordered it once at a restaurant and it gave me diarrhea. i'm not one of those, "i love french-onion soup" people.

therefore, i haven't been able to identify my current obsession. i mean it is a cheap and fairly quick, cozy recipe to make. . . but other than that????

as i was cooking it tonight, i thought that perhaps it is because of the caramelizing of the onions.

There is a moment when they start to get brown that you are convinced you should stop and add the broth. . . the onions are sort of a limp taupe color. not the deep brown they should be. but you hesitate and second guess yourself because, what if this is the moment to add the broth and you wait too long? what if they burn? the entire meal is ruined. you are always only one small distraction away from ruin. a knock at the door, a phone-call, a NYT article that catches your eye, a daydream. . . and your onions are destroyed. (tonight it was the request of someone three to help him find an invisible rat from ratatouille, and then to "rat sit" while he was away. . . which i obligingly did . . . ) better to be too soon, than to be too late, right?

no cookbook can tell you when to stop. . .you have to feel the color, you have to trust your instincts about when to stop the browning.

and this is where i am in life. trying to brown to a perfect flavor without going so far as to burn. it is a balance, and i must trust my instincts.

until then, i will keep making and eating french-onion soup and enjoying the process.

not-a-farmer

2009-03-29T19:53:00.000-04:00

i am not a farmer, but i do love fresh produce. especially tomatoes.

when i moved to pittsburgh, i moved into a community of people. and they have held me and embraced me in this stage of life. a few weeks ago, i said, "i really need to be outside more, i need a project." "i need a garden." and they laughed and bought the supplies. what more could i ask for?

steph, ethan and i dug out the space a few weeks ago and yesterday, kevin built this. . .

the scaffolding of our new garden. it is a garden on a roof but below the porch. . . .

a very special location for what will hopefully be a very special garden.

we are all having visions of heirloom tomatoes and hybrid peppers. i suppose living with 2 farmers does lay a certain expectation about the kind of vegetables that should be available in august.

Sunday Dinner

2009-03-29T19:38:00.000-04:00

tiana came last weekend. . . and we made home-made manicotti. i love manicotti and have never made it. and she was such a good friend to delve into the experiment with me.

we rolled noodles out and created a filling. . .made a sauce with some pork chops and beef from my freezer. . .

it was good to have the company and the delicious dinner.

Cupcakes!

2009-03-15T13:43:00.000-04:00

o.k.

this is the whole reason i thought about blogging in the first place.

look at how perfect this is.

it was made with beer from the east end brewing company and then covered with a chocolate ganache. . .

this cupcake shop always makes me feel as if i have gone to Tiffany's for my tongue.

sabado perfecto

2009-03-15T12:38:00.001-04:00

so, i think i had a perfect saturday. (which for someone on the verge of a minor depression is something to say) i woke when i wanted. i straightened up a house that has been neglected. i poured a perfect cup of coffee with frothy half and half . . .

it had been a really draining week. home every night after at least 7pm. . . i just don't do well with that. i need my own space and time. a twelve hour day is too long.

however, this is what i saw as i walked into my kitchen the other night. . . and while i may bemoan daylight savings. . . it felt really good to come home to the sun streaming through my window.

and i haven't been eating well. . . so, after thinking about it all week, i made my favorite spinach pie, with a wonderfully flaky pastry crust. i never like the crust that comes with this recipe and switched it to my favorite crust, with a cucumber salad and a glass of white wine for a perfect supper.

then, i made a trip to my very favorite library . . . where, you can find books on ANYTHING . . . and (i just learned) rent videos for 2 weeks FOR FREE. Carnegie had his flaws, but his libraries are spectacular. if the economy is going under, i am thankful to be near them . . .

so, i got this book recommended by anna. . .

and started reading it yesterday afternoon. i think at the beach this summer is the last time i read for fun during the day. . . it is a pleasure i am intending to partake in again today.